I'm not sure how much I'll use this particular part of this site just because of it being potentially seen by people. But rest assured, stranger, acquaintence, or friend, that we also have private journals that are not really seen by anyone. If we are putting it here it is not out of necessity, but of a willingness to share.
Some updates on our lives: we're in therapy again. I'm not sure exactly how I feel about the woman we're seeing, but she seems to be at least attempting to be normal about us being a system. She says she works in trauma primarily, but doesn't have much experience in multiplicity, which I guess is fair. We're also likely going to be switching off of melatonin as a sleep aid, but the next available appointment isn't until partway through July, so it'll be a bit. We're also going to pick up an at-home sleep study tomorrow to see if we have sleep apnea. Essentially we have a ton of medical stuff going on, as per usual.
As for me personally, I'm probably becoming a cohost with how often I've been out & about. I've found out I far and away prefer flavoured seltzers over sodas, but I also just think I largely don't enjoy sugar near as much as others. Probably because I didn't grow up with much of it.
Getting into less generalized things now.
I was asked about my interests and favorite things by a mutual friend of the system, and I really didn't know what to say. Really the only thing I find truly interesting is music, and perhaps knives if you forced me to pick a second thing. I find myself watching whatever others would put on for lack of anything else, but I don't know that I really enjoy any of it. Is it a trauma thing that has me near-incapable of finding most things compelling? Is it depression? Or am I just still figuring out who I am and what I like, divorced from my fictive!source and my system!source? I don't know, but it makes me feel small.
I can think of more dislikes than I can likes for myself, but it's still not many. I don't like sugar. I don't enjoy most loud music. I can't stand water. I hate being treated like a child. I will tolerate a few vocal artists/groups, but I really only find I like The Amazing Devil. I don't really know my favorite food. I picked a favorite colour arbitrarily to be able to give this friend at least one concrete answer, but I don't actually particularly enjoy blue more than anything else. I just don't know. It's not fun.
I know it wasn't meant to be an interrogation-- this friend just wanted to know me. That's what makes it even more upsetting. I don't know myself enough to help others know me too.